There are three things I want to make sure a man or a woman understands the first time we meet.
I usually share a little about my experience, talk about how history of AA is just one alcoholic sharing with another. All else is just in support of that and it is our primary purpose. Listen to the Primary Purpose talk by Steve F on our speakers page. That means it is the most important thing in my life, all else follow.
I ask the man or woman I'm sharing my experience with if they will be willing to share with another the same way that I am sharing with them. If they say no, then I tell them I cannot help them. They don't have to be jumping for joy about doing it, but it's important that they understand that they are not just going through the steps for themselves, but are doing them so they can pass them on to others. Otherwise, there is nothing else involved. We are doing it for the sole purpose of recovery. Sharing with another is FREE and it's FUN. We do it for free and we do it for fun.
I also like to talk about the difference between a problem drinker and real alcoholic. The problem drinker has a problem: alcohol. So when they stop drinking, their problem is solved. The alcoholic's problem isn't alcohol. When they stop drinking, their problems are still there. The real alcoholic is suffering from alcoholism—not a drinking problem. It's a spiritual malady that only a spiritual solution can fix. That is why we need the steps as soon as possible, and can't stay sober on just making meetings. If you don't know whether you're a real alcoholic or a problem drinker, just stop drinking. If life gets better on the inside, then alcohol was your problem. If you stop drinking and life doesn't get better on the inside and you feel restless, irritable, and discontent, then you are an alcoholic and your problem is alcoholism—a spiritual malady as described in the big book.
The spiritual malady is rooted in our self-centered fears, as it says on page 62 in the big book. It is what blocks us from God. That's why we feel empty, alone, disconnected. We feel like there is something missing, a void. Alcohol helped to fix that temporarily but soon stopped working. So, we stop drinking but the disconnect is still there. We don't know how to treat the spiritual malady and it soon starts to manifest into an obsession of the mind, and alcohol—we believe—is the relief. When we fall victim to this delusion and pick up the drink, it then sets off an allergy of the body that makes us want more, because it gives us relief and we don't want to stop.
That is the three-fold disease of alcoholism. The spiritual, the mental, and the physical.
The third thing I like to talk about is principles. No, it's not about the guy who ran your high school. Principles are universal truths, Wisdom of the ages. Gravity is one way I like to talk about principles. Whenever I try to talk about spiritual principles, I try to make it as simple and effective as possible. Whether I believe in gravity, understand it, agree with it, or can intellectualize it, I still get the results when I put in the action. So simple, all that matters is the action. So the steps are principles, and we don't need to study them, agree with them, understand them, or even believe in them. All we have to do is take the action of them and we get results. I love to use the big book as guidance, because it gives us exact direction of the actions to take. The big book isn't meant to be studied, its meant as a guide to get into for direction to take action. Once we have the direction, we get out of the book to take the action. We only go back to the book to show others the direction. Remember, when you look at anything, especially the big book as the letter of the law, you just killed the spirit of the message. Look to it for the spirit of the message and it comes alive right before you. The book is a guide to show me how to get God-dependent by Serving others!!!!!!!!!! AA is not therapy. AA is not a self-help group. AA is not a selfish program either!!!!!!
Lastly, I ask this new person to read the Doctor's Opinion and to read three handouts:
The last thing I give them is the 5 things to do daily.
The next time I meet with someone, we go over steps 1,2,3 and get started on fourth step. Constantly reminding them that every time we meet, it is not just to get them through the steps for relief, but to show them how to share with others, so they can have relief for lifetime. You can feed a man a fish and feed him for a night or can show him how to fish and feed for a lifetime. You can take a man through 12 steps to give him temporary relief or show him how to help others and give relief for a lifetime.