Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
After accepting that I have the emptiness in the soul ("real alcoholism") and that there is no human power that will fill it (managing my own life is futile), I am presented with the concept that only a Power bigger than human would be able to effectively rid me of that emptiness.
In the second step I acknowledged that an intellectual concept of God was, in and of itself, a human power and was therefore not only futile but could actually be detrimental because it would block me off from feeling the presence of God in my heart and from my soul, which is where the emptiness is.
The third step suggests another theory. The third step reaffirms the concept in the second step that I am blocked off from the fundamental certainty of God that I was born with. It goes further to acknowledge that even though I have this condition, I am still living my life with my feet planted firmly on this earth. While I am in this form called life, if I want to be unblocked, I need to consider that these things of the world are not only not the source of my happiness and joy, but that they are also not the source of my pain.
The peculiar mental twist that is a signature of real alcoholism (the Spiritual Malady) is that it always appears that my problem is outside of me…it is Him, Her, that, what am I not getting?, what am I going to lose?, what are people thinking of me?, what am I thinking of me?
The theory suggested in the third step is that my real problem is self-centeredness, self-seeking, selfishness—driven by hundreds of forms of fear. It even suggests that I am an extreme case of self-will-run-riot—but I usually don't think so. It is normal at this stage to not be able to see this in myself.
Next it informs me that if I don't get rid of this selfishness that I don't even believe I have, it's going to kill me.
Well, here's an example of why we shouldn't read the Big Book as if it is the letter of the law: Kill me? There's a threat. Death looks more like relief to a guy like me. What if "kill me" is more spiritual in nature? What if this means that I'm going to live a long, arduous life of being spiritually dead? Now that gets my attention.
As the authors of the Big Book continue, they inform me that there is no way of getting rid of this selfishness without God's help.
So now we're asking the new guy to go to a God—that he doesn't believe in and will never understand—and ask Him to remove a case of self-centered fear—that he doesn't even know he has.
Who would consider taking on this type of charge? Maybe someone like me when I was seven years sober with no solution. I wasn't sure that I wanted what my sponsor had—I didn't even know what he had—but I was pretty sure that I no longer wanted what I had. So I had nothing to lose. Why not give this a shot? I'm not going to know if I don't try it. I know the results I'm going to continue to get if I don't try something new. Up to this point in my life, my best ideas got me where I am now. Maybe, due to my untreated condition, my best ideas are killing me…why shouldn't I try someone else's idea?
At this point, a new prospect has no idea what to do, how to do it, or what to expect. He needs someone he can trust to guide him.
How can I—being the one trying to help the new prospect—get him to trust me? It seems to me that—just like a dog or a child can smell fear and recognize a genuine heart—so can a human being who is full of fear. The thoughts that are going on in the newcomer's mind at this point are like committee meetings that won't let anyone get a word in.
Here is a point where if you—the prospective sponsor—do not truly have the desire in you heart to help another, you're probably not going to get this person's trust. They may stick around anyway because it's there is no better option, but you won't have any lasting effect, except for maybe showing this person what not to do. If you're right in your heart, you know that your motives are pure, and you will gain the trust of the person who is truly ready to surrender and try something new. If you're right in the heart and they still don't want your help, then at least you know you did the best you could.
Back to making a decision to give this a shot….the next question is typically: Why should I do this? What's going to happen when I do this? Exactly what is it that I'm attempting here?
The Big Book is pretty clear: It tells me that my problem is that I'm a taker rather than a giver. That I walk through my life concerned mainly with what can I get?, what am I going to lose?, what are they thinking about me?, what am I thinking about me?. I make decisions based on this fear-driven thinking and they are always decisions that are selfish in nature. I am playing God in my own life. I'm directing my life when it's not mine to direct. If God is everything, than I am part of God…being all knowing, He should direct my life. I need to begin to learn how to make decisions based on trusting God and serving others. Here, I need to change my actions first and then my thinking will follow. If the principle really is I will get good results if I lay my life down for another, then I will get those results even if I don't believe the principle, just as if I didn't believe in gravity…gravity still applies whether I believe it or not. So I change my actions first, which requires guidance from someone else who is currently living by these principles.
When I do this, the promise offered to me is that all my needs will be met to continue on this path. On top of this, my perception will change, my fears will fall from me…I will start seeing the world as a beautiful place rather than an ugly place…I will begin to see what I can bring to the world rather than what I can take from it. I am reborn. It is a life transforming event…provided I do it consistently. Consistency is the most powerful force in the universe next to God. With consistency, I can move mountains.
I like to point out that nowhere in the Big Book does it say "Fake it until you make it". That statement, although it might have had good purpose at one time, has been so distorted and blown out of proportion in mainstream sober thinking that it is actually dangerous. The Big Book says "Think well before taking this step, making sure you are ready". After the prayer it says "The wording is optional, as long as you express the idea without reservation". "Make sure you are ready", "think well" and "without reservation" does not even come close to "fake it".
When I was first presented with this concept, due to my "contempt prior to investigation", I had a very bad taste in mouth about organized religion, and the third step prayer looked like it came right out of the Bible. Fortunately for me, it also said that the wording was optional as long as I expressed the idea without reservation. So what is the idea? Here it is again: I'm asking this God—that I don't even feel the presence of—to help me remove a case of self-centered fear—that I don't even believe I have—so that I can better serve my brothers and sisters. I acknowledge to this God that I'm going to give this my best shot, only because I have no idea what else to do…complete surrender.
As my distaste for organized religion was removed, I began to wonder if the dilemma with these century-old stories is the way they are presented today, which I'm sure is much different than originally intended. I'd like to suggest that these stories might be missing the most important premise. That premise might be that we are designed to help each other and these stories tell us how to do that. Most people believe these stories are going to somehow give us wisdom so that we can go on with our self-serving lives with some form of satisfaction. They rarely emphasize the importance of helping others. If you attempt to read these stories with the helping-others premise, they might make a whole lot more sense to you. Who knows? But it is my experience that as soon as I considered that the biblical stories, the Ten Commandments and the Twelve Steps and Traditions were all designed to show me how to effectively help others, all of the sudden all of the contradiction was removed. The theory there is that in helping others, all of my needs are met, in order to make helping others more effective, and increase my availability to help others. Most people look at the Ten Commandments and the Twelve Steps as suggestions toward a desired outcome. I am suggesting that these might instead be spiritual principles that they apply constantly and the only variable is my awareness of them. I will talk about that theory in another writing.
So I've made my decision and I've said the prayer. Nothing happened. The next line in the Big Book states that our decision is vital and crucial but will have little permanent effect if not followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things that are blocking me. I must follow this with the fourth and subsequent steps in order to truly attain any substantial effect.